I can't quite believe that we are in the fifth month of the year already. Time seems to go more quickly, the older you get and I just want it to slow down! There is so much I want to do, so much to see and so much to achieve.
I feel a bit odd saying that today. I last wrote a blog in February and one of the main reasons that it has taken me until May to write the next one is that there were lots of days that I just wanted life to stop altogether. I just wanted to get off. Grieving sucks like that. Grieving for someone who is still alive more so.
Then we got hit again. I was enjoying my marathon training so much. I completed Colchester Half Marathon and I felt strong again. Mentally and physically. But then I injured my leg and had to spend 5 weeks on crutches. It meant that I didn't get to run London Marathon and I lost the thing that was giving me focus and helping me to stay strong and look forward.
It was tough going for a while. It still is some days, but just before I got injured I had joined the James Smith Academy My PT Joe Cooper told me about him and after watching a few of his videos and listening to podcasts I was hooked. The marathon was doing me good, but I knew that when that was over, I would need something to continue to help me maintain focus on my goal to become fit and healthy both in body and in mind. Not just something but also some people. People who like me were doing this for their well being. I found that. In the JSA group I found not just a group of people but a community. Not just a community but a family. A family of people who build each other up. Who listen. Who can be brutally honest and not be scared. I felt free.
Every few months, James runs a competition to win a holiday. People who enter set themselves a goal to achieve and then go about achieving it. You have 12 weeks. I knew this would be a saving grace for me. So I signed up and on Monday I started it.
For me this challenge isn't just about achieving a fitness goal, it's about finding me again, because I've lost me lately after everything we've been through. The confidence is gone. I don't do anywhere near as much as I used to and I'm far more fearful again. Post Traumatic Stress is something that doesn't go away and the situation we went through certainly contained enough triggers to make life harder. But I'm here.
So my overall goal is to lose 18 inches from my body. On top of that I want to find my confidence again. I've booked to go to Latitude with my hot tub bestie in July and I want to go and really enjoy it - to feel confident. The same for our holiday in Cornwall. I want to enjoy life again.
James. You should be proud of what you have created and nurtured. It is truly life altering and brings change to all who encounter it.